The Wit of W. C. Daniells: Wolf at the Door

September 18, 2009
W.C. Daniells

W.C. Daniells

For the last two weeks I have been focused on the Winegar side of my family.  Now, I plan to spend some time on my mother’s side, the Daniells.  Will Carleton Daniells, my grandfather, was born in 1882 in Wacousta, Michigan and died in 1973.  He married Iva Bliss and had 5 daughters. He worked as a salesman for Ingersol Watch Company, a rancher, and a citrus grower.  He was one of the developers of the tangelo and was know as the Tangelo King of Florida.  He had very strong political opinions. 

I am going to begin with some humorous writings that he was particularly fond of.  These he shared with his daughters and they have been passed down to me.  I have no idea who the authors were.  This first one could easily have been written in today’s political climate and W.C. may have written it.

Dear Sir:

In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible.  My shattered financial condition is due to Federal laws, State laws, County laws, brother-in-laws, sister-in-laws, and outlaws.

Through these laws I am compelled to pay a business tax, amusement tax, head tax, school tax, gas tax, light tax, water tax, sales tax, liquor tax, income tax, food tax, furniture tax, and excise tax.  I am required to get a business license, car license, operator’s license, truck license, not to mention a marriage license and dog license.

I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable of bringing to life: To women’s relief, the unemployed relief, and the gold digger’s relief.  Also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city, including the Salvation Army, Community Chest, Red Cross, Purple Cross, Double Cross, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, Y.M.C.A. and Y.W.C.A., as well as Way Stations for Wayward Girls and Boys Ranch and Boys Town.

For my own safety I am required to carry health insurance, life insurance, fire insurance, property insurance, liability insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment compensation insurance, and old age insurance.

My business is so governed that it is no easy matter to find out who owns it.  I am inspected, expected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, examined, re-examined, informed, required, summoned, fined, commanded and compelled, until I provide an inexhaustible supply of money for every known need, desire, or help of the human race.

Simply because I refuse to donate to something or other, I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down and robbed, until I am almost ruined.

I can honestly tell you that except for a miracle that happened, I could not enclose this check.  The wolf that comes to many doors nowadays just had pups in my kitchen.  I sold them and here is the money.

Yours truly,